Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Here is to Shoulder shrugs and neck rolls

Just thinking out loud, and I can do that well, because of this blog. I could keep it all in my head like most men would, or I could let it out. Just put it out on the Internet.

My life is very bumpity. It has ups and downs and it has lots of setbacks and a few good things that happen here and their. It seems like I always do better by night time. Mornings and days bring challenges, and sometimes... Okay, most of the time I meet the challenges. Not always, but most of the time.

My problems aren't like being a waiter in a restaurant type of challenges, where you have the stupid customer that is difficult and kind of snooty and basically just an asshole, but you know you cant just rip into him because then you might put your job in a fix. Those customers will come in and sit at your station and give you some shit, but at the end of the night, when you go home, they have also, and the next day is a new one.
No, my problems stick around, Its like a customer who just never leaves. You come in to work your shift, but every day that same customer is sitting at that table bitching about the soup being cold or god forbid a fly is floating around in it. Like I give a shit if you have a fly in your soup, but because I am a waiter, I have to act like it. You probably sleep in a dump you asshole, and flys follow you around and they don't live for very long, so it was probably on your body and just fell in the soup, but to you its just an opportunity to bitch at me. Don't worry about the fly in your soup, worry that you are such a dickhead that I spit in it.
No, Those aren't the kinds of things that I worry about, because really, my problems are like being born with a big head. You can't help you were born with a big head that is out sized for your body. That's not your fault. But your big head doesn't just bitch at you some and then pay the bill and stiff you on your tip and go home. No, your big head just stays on top of your neck day in and day out. That's the type of problems I have. Problems that just don't go away at the end of the shift.
So what do you do? You work out on developing your neck muscles and your shoulders so that your big head looks more proportionate. That's what you do. Every day you do shoulder shrugs and neck rolls. You look in the mirror and realize you have a big head and say to yourself, I can't shrink this big old Mellon of mine but I can make it more symmetrical and more in line with my body by getting those neck muscles to look like the big head belongs.
Some days its not the big head that gets you. Remember, you work on it and develop your neck and shoulders so you are okay with the big head, but then it gets you in a sneaky way. Like when you go to buy a hat or something but they don't make it in your size? Its like you overcame the big head problem that you have with all the neck and shoulder workouts, but then reality sets in and you can't buy a hat because they don't make them that big. Your lack of hatness then becomes another problem, so you end up being okay with the size of your Mellon but damn you wish you had a hat that fit. So the next day when you are waiting on that asshole it turns out his job is: hat maker. Damn, good thing you never told him he was an asshole and the fly in his soup should be the worse of his problems with the soup. No it turns out your buddy the asshole customer has the hat making ability to help you out, so you suck it up.
This is all a metaphor though, My head, though large, is not abnormally large and really I have such beautiful hair I don't really need a hat or anything and of course I am not a waiter.
I think I had to many Percoset tonight, cause it feels like someone punched me in my jawbone. Or you know, it did until I had the previously mentioned multiple Percoset. Its like I had to pay a guy this afternoon to punch me in my jaw, but really he just took drills and needles and gutted my mouth all up. He says the Root Canal is all done now, but I still get the joy of the crown coming up. I had to put it off though for a few weeks until I can bank enough to pay that other dentist guy to also punch me. Its a race against the end of the Percoset bottle, verse when the crown goes on.
Anyhow this all made sense to me. Tomorrow when I wake up I will see if it still does.


SCG said...

Your best writing appears to be in the late evenings. I hope you don't delete this one in the morning!


Native Minnow said...

Makes sense to me too. I hope you have a speedy recovery from the root canal. I have to get a crown put on at some point too, but I'm going to try to put it off until I have a job with real benefits.

Quin Browne said...

root canals!! did he look like lawrence olivier??

hope you are better soon... and the post today rocked...

Bill From Gainesville said...

SCG -- thanks ! coming from a real writer I appreciate it.
Minnow -- They said it has to be within a couple of weeks so I put it out 14 days because I should have another paycheck come in between to be able to pay for it.
QB -- thanks! and again as a real writer I appreciate your input.!!