Looking for the coagulation

Ever since the Judge kicked my ass in my divorce, I have not been able to do much blog writing because my funny ran out on me. Cheating two timing whore of a funny bone.

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Just when I need you the most you leave me? The Judge put me on a "funny thinner" Its like paint thinner, it smells kind of funky, and it is ruining all my pictures. I try to dip my brush into the paint, but all the paint has been replaced by the thinner. I forget anyways, and try to put something up on the canvass and it just bleeds it on out. So I know what I need, I need me some coagulation.

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I see the funny in glimpses, like when you step out of the tunnel at a Major league ball park. The field is perfectly green, two shades of green, usually. Its always in some kind of a beautiful pattern, checkerboard maybe, or if its Fenway, the two little socks. The Astros have that sun looking thing going on. Its all from the way the greens keepers cut it and tend to it. It just explodes from your vision into your brain and your brain sends it on down into the pours of your skin. That's how I see my funny, only then a dark storm cloud full of "funny thinner" moves in like one of those fast motion cloud Sky's that you see in the movies when the director is trying to show time going on by, and the next thing you know, its raining "funny thinner" on my head.

Here is a glimpse of Bills Funny, metaphorically speaking, See the cool checkerboard pattern?

They say write what you know, except all I know right now is divorce, the fear of failure and being alone, oh yeah, and also that my funny is kind of a slutty whore that will leave you when you need her. Its also evidently a lot like a baseball diamond because if you know the way a field explodes into your senses as you come out into the park from under the bowels of the concession stands, then that's the way I think about my funny, at least when its being faithful to me, and not out whoring. Checkerboard grass at a ball field on a beautiful day is a stunning thing to behold. I don't now why I think of my funny as being a baseball field on a beautiful cool day. Baseball isn't even my favorite sport. I am a casual kind of front running fair weather baseball fan. Hell I watched the college baseball championship game rooting for one Bulldog team and totally got on board with the other Bulldogs in the middle of it. Talk about front running. I was just trying to watch a championship though, as I didn't really care about either of them before that last night.

-Its the old riding the horse thing again as well. If you fall off you are supposed to get right back on. That's some kind of cliche, I know, except my ass is sore, and the fall kind of hurt, and although I want to get back up on the horse, Its kind of like I am the Shaquile O'Neal of jockeys. Just doesn't seem like a big future for Shaquile O'Neal as a jockey. Just like it doesn't seem that after all the effort I put into a fifteen year relationship, and watching it fail so dismally, that the thought of trying again, or that anyone would even want to try with me, well, it just seems so futile. So I have that going for me.

So here is what I do know. Its raining funny thinner, I am searching around for the right combination of umbrella and raincoat, plus my native Indian anti thinner dance moves. I am looking for those moves real bad. It seems like its a beautiful baseball field kind of a thing, but really, its like old time Woody Hayes football, just run it, get the three yards and run it again. Sure we used to have a wide open, spread offense throwing attack of a life, but if you find yourself in the Midwest with big old husky kids and it gets cold, its time to run the ball and play a little smash mouth. So that's what I am doing, getting up and playing smash mouth with my life.