Monday, April 14, 2008

A paid advertisement

I have played golf while going about the business of earning my living. In a sense, I was a professional golfer. On the occasions where my job called for me to hit them at some kind of industry golf outing, I joyfully, and enthusiastically did so. There is even an event coming up soon at the beginning of May. Can’t wait! It’s just a part of who I am, and what I do for a living. The Golf is paid for by the company, or a vendor. My salary is not docked, and I don’t put it down as a day off. So as you can see, I have in fact, been paid to play Golf. In that sense I am basically the same guy as Tiger Woods. We both play golf for money. Plus if I make a long ass double breaking putt, I will do the old fist pump into the air like I was born for just that very moment. If you saw me do that, and then saw Tiger’s double Pump you would feel bad for Tiger to the extent that anyone could feel bad for one of the greatest men alive, who is rich beyond rich, plays better golf then everyone on the planet and has a super hot wife. (I admit I have a man crush on Tiger)

When I am playing Golf, I think of myself as a golfer much like Tiger Woods, just like when I dance I like to think of myself as on a par with John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. It goes on like that in my mind based on pretty much whatever I am doing. So when I am being paid to golf I will wear the red shirt to symbolize the blood in the water as I shoot my way around the course in just under a hundred strokes (or sometimes just over and I really hate it when it is the just over outcome)

This post is also a lot like that, in the sense that it is my first paid post. That’s right, this post was paid for. I am a lot like Earnest Hemingway in that Regard, in that He was paid to write, and now I am being paid to write. Plus we both like our beer, The ladies, and Sunny South Florida, only I am not planning on Shooting myself in the head, nor running with any Damn bulls in Pamplona.

I was asked to review a book and then write about it in my little corner of the World Wide Web. My payment you ask? The book itself, a $39.95 value. Yes it may not be greenbacks but it is barter, which is one of the oldest forms of commerce in the world. Prostitutes in the 1800’s used to give it up in exchange for chickens. Entire economies in the middle ages subsisted on the principles of barter, so yes, Maybe Hemingway was never paid for: The Sun Also Rises with chicken sex, but then again, he shot himself, so we might not ever know.

The book is called: Historic photos of Greater Miami It was put together by Seth H. Bramson. He is a member of the faculty at Barry University as well as Florida International University.

Page 12 shows a photograph of the corner of what is now Miami Ave and Flagler Street. Of course it was taken around the turn of the century and in the photo, that intersection is just a lot of trees, a wooden shack and a dirt road. That’s An Intersection that if there were no buildings between my place and that corner, I could hit an Eight iron and reach it. (Tiger would probably use a wedge and he could hit over the buildings that are there now, I am sure) Page 15 shows a wooden shack that is at “today's” second street and First avenue. A mere one block from my apartment! It goes on and on, but as you can probably tell by the title, and my description so far, the book basically consists of Pictures of Miami from back in the day. It is absolutely fascinating and you should go out and buy one. If you live in Oklahoma you should buy two, because that’s a state I still envision as having a lot of dirt roads and wooden shacks and stuff. You can get it at and you don’t even have to tell anyone I sent you. They also have the same titles for Broward and Palm Beach. And if you don’t get it for the outstanding history and photographs of South Florida, get it for your coffee table.

I only recently became the owner of a coffee table. As a married man for the last fifteen years, our home never had a working coffee table, or even a non-working coffee table. It just wasn’t done and I didn’t question it. I move out on my own, and almost immediately acquire a coffee table and have no coffee table book, then out of nowhere I am asked by a lady that lives in a state where they wear that burnt Ass Orange on Saturdays in the fall, and she sends me one, only asking that I review it and post about it. Damn straight I will! and even though I sent a complete stranger my mailing Address and the people from the witness protection program do really frown on That, I did it anyways, and I did it for my Coffee Table. I am telling you, it is serendipity. It is Karma, It is the universe working in the ways that it does. It is the most beautiful thing to ever happen to my coffee table. Before that fateful E-mail asking me to send my address so that they could send me this beautiful Coffee table book, my Coffee table was alone and sad. See the photograph below:

Look at how lonely and naked my coffee table is in this photograph. He has pride, and sure, occasionally I would lay a Miami Herald down on it, maybe a glass of coke. My keys? A Magazine or two, but never a coffee table book. I just didn’t have one. He treated the magazines and the newspapers with respect, but always knew they were just in and out of his little Coffee table life. He gave up hoping for a book that he could grow old with. Until now. Look at this photograph below:
Look at My Coffee Table and My book, together, just like they were meant to be. I am happy for my table and I am happy for my book, I love that I play golf for money sometimes, and now my Blog posting life has also been forever altered in a good way with my first paid writing, or Swag or whatever you want to call it. They make a nice pairing, this table and book of mine and will happily grow old together. If you don’t buy one of these books for the cool pictures and commentary, do it for your coffee table. Do it for all that is right in this world. Elliott Spitzer, buy three of them, one for you, one for your wife and one for your hooker. Bill Romanowski? You should buy two, one to rip up with your bare hands in a fit of Roid rage and one for YOUR coffee table.


Native Minnow said...

A glass of coke? I thought in Miami it came in baggies.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Minnow---It comes in baggies, but Us middle class type people here in Miami refine it into a beverage and buy it from Publix --

PhoenixHearse said...

"I did it for my Coffee Table"

Cause really, our furniture need to be reminded every once in a while that they are appreciated.

So I say, thank you couch. Thank you for 1 full year of comfortable evenings and serene naps. But do you think you could kick the dog off when I'm not there?

Bill From Gainesville said...

Phoenix. People dont really give enough furniture love in life and I am just bucking that trend and now you are all about it also...Awesome!