Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Not this wave, maybe the next one.

I was expecting a completely different post then the one that follows. The post I was expecting, I have been thinking of for about a week now. Turns out the wave that is this post, once again failed to break correctly. So instead, I find myself with sand in my swimsuit and a sunburn on my shoulders while I wait for that particular ride to come on in. I don’t mind the sunburn so much, or even the sand in the crack of my ass. I can take a shower and fix all that. What I hate is the sand in the car, or in this case, the crappy little post with all the Metaphors about being at the beach that I ended up with.

For one, Its a bitch to vacuum a car, and for two, even after YOU do vacuum, it seems like you never get it all out on the first try. It’s just like things I think about when I write. It doesn’t always come out of my head and get on the computer screen exactly the way I would like it, Plus I am always at those rental car washes scrounging up quarters to pay for the suck.

I am constantly leaning over to put the hose where the dirt is and sometimes the dirt just sticks there in those little crevices of my blog posting mind. errrr… I mean the sand gets in the corners of the seats, and the vacuum wont reach? Plus Some of you just read that and made up porn type stuff in YOUR minds. Plus it kind of hurts my back. (both the vacuuming and posting)

Additionally there is always a homeless type fellow just hanging around, the car wash, bumming quarters, and you just feel empathy for the guy, so you give him a few of your vacuuming quarters. You are figuring you will just change another dollar bill in the change machine, but of course, that’s when the change machine gets all finicky on your ass, and keeps spitting that bill back at you like you are Jerry Rice and it is Bill Romanowski. *

And if it’s not a homeless guy distracting you when you are vacuuming out your car, Its E-mails from your work life, or something equivalent, like a t.v. show, when you are trying to be bloger McBloggity.

Stupid Change machine, Stupid wave not breaking correctly……Stupid conscious, for giving that guy the last few quarters you need so you can just vacuum out your car, you know, or write a blog post?

*Bill Romanowski used to be quite the bad ass football player and during one game he spit in Jerry Rices face. Plus, over the next five blog posts I am going to sneak a Bill Romanowski reference in, one way or another, even though I
have no idea what the next five blog posts are going to be about, and don’t know a whole hell of a lot about Romo either. It’s just a fun game I am going to play with myself. --- I know, I just said: “Play with myself.” I hope you get a text Message RIGHT NOW on your phone about SEEXY teens.


PhoenixHearse said...

I'm curious to know what the post was supposed to be about.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Its something that was first teased to me about 10 days ago. I know I am probably building it up to much now, but I still think its going to happen. -- I wont go into it all right here, but I got this e-mail from NIGERIA and its just really exciting... so soon I will get something in the mail and then I am going to POST about it all Glorious like and proud of myself .... (ok it wasnt the Nigerian scam REALLY, -- Phoenix.... thats another metaphor) but, it does involve an E-mail which I DID receive with a promise (I am not required to do anything until AFTER the promise actually happens so I am not being scammed or anything-- unless it doesnt end up following through and then you count my dreams being SUCKED out from underneath me, as being a scam... But for now I still wait patiently........ But alas, I have once again given away to much about this hopefully, Future MAGIC FUN POST THAT WILL PROBABLY BRING JOY TO ALL HUMANITY....