Sunday, April 20, 2008

Miami Exxxotica

So I went to Miami EXXXOTICA yesterday, even if it gives me the Stigma of being one of "those" guys as per the Hearse. I don't agree with her, but she is entitled to her opinion. In a way it was like going to a strip club, but in the day, and without full nudity. They were mostly wearing skimpy little outfits and simulating porn. I saw a midget riding a mechanical bull with two women wearing school girl outfits. That's just not a sentence you type much, or a visual you encounter often.

There were scantily clad women hanging out on poles everywhere but unlike in a strip club they did keep what they were wearing on. It was kind of like the PG13 rated version of titty bars, only without the alcohol, nakedness or any obligation on my part to give random women One and five dollar bills:

There was even an Exotic car at this Exxxotica outing:

There was simulated lesbianism:

There were DVD's for sale, there were booths where you could purchase all types of Sex Toys and there was a pillow league fight club match officiated by Suzy Boozy the reigning but retired world champion of the pillow fight league.

And there were real life adult film stars including Jesse Jane who took a photograph with me and who also signed an autograph (Brian from MPLS you were right) I didn't really ask for her autograph, she just gave me one because I stood in line to see her. It was nice and I couldn't turn her down. But I also didn't wait in line to see Stormy Daniels or Gina Lynn or any of the others:
The Billster and Jesse Jane.
Another weird experience was talking to Audrey Maxx and her Boyfriend/ husband. They have their own little website and they had a video running while they were standing around their little booth "fully covered " So I am talking with them and having a conversation with them, while this video of them going at it is playing right in the background, it was kind of weird. but you know what? they didn't care so neither did I.


Brian in Mpls said...

That looks lke fun

Ian Thomas Healy said...

Dude, Jesse Jane looks like she needs a sandwich or ten.


The Charming Hedonist said...

Bless her heart, I just want to feed her. But hey, this post is probably the closest I will ever come to a porn convention. A midget and school girls you say?

Bill From Gainesville said...

Brian, It was "fun with porn" but not in the usual way.
Ian, Good observation, She certainly is tiny.
Hedo. There were "normal" women at the porn convention as well as the strippers and the weirdos, its a real freak show, and if one ever comes to your city I would recommend it. Just the people watching alone made it worth the $35 bucks.

PhoenixHearse said...

At least it looked entertaining.

da lizza said...

simulated lesbianism! that was the perfect two words to describe what was going on in that photo. brilliant! haha.

ian... i agree completely, unless that silicone somehow provides her nourishment, that chick needs a big, fat sandwich.

Native Minnow said...

Glad you were able to keep us all informed with pics and such

ManningStalker said...

I don't have too much time to put into words my true feelings for the porn industry, but lets just say it ranks right below Peyton Manning for me. Billster I love that you went to a porn convention. I especially like your willingness to get photographs with skinny porn stars. As for feeding her, well I'm sure all the guys reading that line came up with some typical guy jokes, but probably not as quickly as I did. I'm not sure if that's funny or sad for me. Anyway, back to the Billster. Well done sir and with posts like these you are sure to attract a fair number of interesting people to your bloggin world. I'm still jealous and its been about 5 days since you told me you were going. Man, I hope you didn't hurt yourself later that night.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Manningstalker-- I am glad you found it interesting! It was a trip!