Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Old stubbie ponders juggling

I am like a juggler. Except I am like a puppet juggler, in the sense that my puppet master is really in control, because I am just a juggling puppet. The roll of puppet master is played by the character called life. So, I juggle because I have to. It's not that I can't juggle, I am a damn good juggler, its just sometimes I feel like my particular puppet master is a sadistic bastard.
Puppet Master is all like: "Here Bill, juggle these chainsaws." and I am all like: "Dude if I make a tiny mistake while juggling a chain saw I could seriously hurt myself." then Puppet master looks me directly in the eye and says "Yes, so you better not make a mistake." See how direct and harsh she is?
Anyways I juggle because its what I know. I juggle out of habit and I juggle because I have responsibilities and not living up to those responsibilities would be a worse fate then ending up accidentally catching the running chain side, of one of the saws I have flipping around in the air.
Here is the problem though, Puppet Master has had me juggling chainsaws intermittently now for awhile, except I only recently noticed her hand up my ass. For awhile I never realized I was just a puppet. Sometimes when I am juggling bowling pins like a normal juggler, I think to myself, what would happen if I didn't catch one of these pins? It would fall to the floor and I would stop being a juggler and Instead, I would just be a guy who throws stuff in the air and watches it fall.
Anyway, as far as everything goes, I feel like we are building up to a Crescendo here pretty soon and because of that I find it hard to concentrate on the chainsaws flipping through the air all around me, Yet know that I must. I find myself unable to sleep at nights, unable to enjoy the stuff you are supposed to enjoy, and feeling sad about that loss. It's very easy to have a positive attitude when everything is good. When they keep throwing chain saws for you to juggle, then your life becomes kind of a caricature of itself, because you can have no life, all you can do is concentrate on the chainsaws. If you somehow let yourself get distracted from the chainsaws for even a little bit, then you might find yourself with a stub for a hand.


scg said...

As I have told my step-daughter a thousand times, "Reality is an unforgiving bitch."

All of us are stuck inside these human bodies walking about along the side of a spinning ball of dirt that is circling a flaming ball in the sky that itself is hurling itself across the galaxy at warp factor 9.

When you think about life that way, just not spinning off into deep space seems like a win.

But yeah, I know what you mean.


Brian in Mpls said...

That puppet master is an unforgiving bitch..

Bill From Gainesville said...

SCG-- so far gravity is still doing its thing, so I have that going for me as do we all, I am glad in addition to everything else I dont have to wear really heavy boots all the time so that I stay connected to the earth and stuff
Brian, INDEED... she is...

Quin Browne said...

i <3 your writing because you put your life out there.

and you do it beautifully and in a way that pulls people in, yet, you never sound "i'm pitiful". good words are here.

life does suck with the suckage of 10000 dysons (hoovers do NOT suck enough to imitate the suckage of life)...

what you are doing is so difficult, i'm not sure i could do it... i don't know if even my dogged insistence hope is to be opened every day would work. perhaps i'd have walked away from the chain saws...

i'd like to think i'd be like you, and keep juggling.

the hand up my ass? made me giggle.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Q/B -- coming from a real writer that is a very nice complement. I think we are going to be internet buddies for a long time.
However, I am speaking in metaphors so I dont know how much I am really letting on about the sucky suckiness of suckville that is my life but thanks again for saying that... If I wrote about the actual real life shit that is happening and how it kills me and stuff, it would come off completely as whining and bitching and maybe even small of me. I just think its more fun when people are juggling chainsaws while standing one footed on a camels humped back in the middle of the sahara. (I left that part out I was just thinking that part to myself)

Native Minnow said...

It's too bad you're a puppet that has to have a hand up your ass rather than one of those marionnettes with the strings attached to each appendage instead.

Good luck with the juggling.

The Charming Hedonist said...

Hugs to you, Chewtoy. I hate the rough times when you feel like you're scurrying to make things come together. When things get hairy, step back and appreciate everything you have. When you do that, it makes the sadistic bitch cry a little.

Good luck.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Minnow, thanks for the sentiment, some people lie to themselves that their puppet master uses strings and marionette type stuff. I face the facts, life's hand is all up in there---
Hedo, Nice, I tried that a little tonight, Not a huge baseball guy but I took in the Marlins D'Backs Game tonight. it really was kind of a cool thing and I felt really good afterwards.