Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The word "Orange" is written 20 time within this post, Plus the Name"Rocky" Is written 8 times

It's not a deal breaker at all, but one of the things I love, is: Orange Juice with the pulp included.
People can be real persnickity about their Orange Juice. The world is divided into two groups. Those that like it with Pulp included, and those who like it all smooth and kind of wimpy and watery, and with no character to it. They like their Orange juice to be like Rocky 6, which was a piece of crap movie when compared to the original Rocky.
Once you give up on Rocky, you may have died a little inside, because seriously, when I was ten years old and saw Rocky in the Theatre, it was one of the finest Movies I may have ever seen, It moved me to that world where Rocky is just a guy with a big break, and now watching Rocky 6 on Showtime, or whatever, it's just sad. It's like Orange Juice with no pulp. You can still see the greatness that was Rocky in Rocky 6, what with the out of the blue chance given him, and you can still understand that Orange juice flavor when you don't have the pulp, but its just not the same. Has drinking watery ass, De-pulpified Orange Juice ever made you want to be a Champion Boxer as a living? Has it ever made you think about beating up raw meat in a Meat storage facility? Or own a restaurant and talk about your Glory days to your customers?
There are those who think the kind of Orange juice that always did whatever it was told to do, who made straight "A's" and never mocked the other Oranges about their coarse behavior is the kind of Orange Juice to drink. They like the Orange juice that was raised in a household of uptight Oranges. Those Oranges who always worry about how the other oranges would think if they found out you were going to grow up and be the type of Orange Juice that got put in a bottle with the "pulp" included. Pulp and Pimp both start and end with the letter "P" and some O'J snobs associate those two words. DON'T JUDGE ME BECAUSE I LIKE SEX you watery ass drinking assholes.... (again, not really a deal breaker just let me have some drama in my blog posts)
Sure, those Oranges know that its part of their chemistry to have pulp in their juice but they preferred to have it strained out of them. They think of themselves as more refined, they think of themselves as better then their pulp included Orange Juice cousins.
I especially like Pulp included Orange Juice when mixed with Vodka. I am not talking about the kind of Vodka that gets bought in a real glass bottle, I am talking Vodka from a plastic container that is only designed to look like a glass made bottle. The type of Vodka that may have been distilled in Cleveland Ohio, as opposed to Smirnoffville or some other Finland/Switzerland/Russian ass type of City, And to make things clear, I am not saying you should drink Vodka straight when it is brewed in a suburb of Cleveland, I am saying if you have a Vodka brewed in a suburb of Cleveland THEN if you Mix it with pulp infested Orange Juice it doesn't really matter how rot gut it is.
Signed, ---- a guy who may have consistently drank non-pulp having Orange Juice his whole life until he wasn't paying attention at the store the other day and accidentally bought a pulp filled jug and questioned his whole previous world and wondered why his mother (rest in piece) never coached him up on the beauty of a pulp filled Screwdriver ..... although he thinks basically his mother (rest in piece) just didn't know any better.


PhoenixHearse said...

HA! I love this post.

Although I have to admit, along with many other things (especially politics), I sit on the fence on this one. I can completely go either way.

With pulp? Fine with me. Without pulp? Tastes great too.

So I wonder, does that make me easy-going or just really damn indecisive?

Bill From Gainesville said...

IT makes you ambidexterous as far as your orange juice habits are concerned. If you were a pitcher you could start a game as a Righty and then when you start getting hit a little bit, you could bring in the reliever and just pitch LEFT HANDED Thats what that makes you

Compulsively Yours...for now said...

Being an Obsessive Compulsive Attention Deficit Psychotic Crazy Person that I am I was unable to read the above post and so can not make a comment about it except oh what is this right next to the comment box, oh the word SEX in all caps, wow. Well I guess I will read it after all.

As I am readying to send this I see the word alcohol and am further intrigued, since I am a)an alcoholic and b)a female which is a type of sex I will be reading this post over and over tonight.