Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A true story, pretty much

Tonight, I went to one of my favorite bars and sat down at the stool. The discussion turned to the bartendresses' upcoming nuptials.

She is overboard on the wedding and I mocked her for that. I did it to her face and with such obvious sarcasm that there is no way she thought I was doing anything other then mocking her. She has a huge budget which she plans on paying between her and her husband to be.
Neither her, or her husband to "Be's" parents, are going to be kicking in.
Part of her plan is to bring the Beatles back from the dead and have them perform at her wedding. She also plans to create her own table covers with the help of her family and friends.
They are buying cloth that they intend to turn into table covers. She is also buying bland candle holders, with plans of painting each and every one with some kind of a magic paint that the beauty of it all, will evidently blind her guests and make them come together as one for world peace.
I asked her if it would not be better to elope and keep the money to help with a down payment on a house. Something that would help the marriage, and the answer was no. It would not. She was sure about this. Would her parents and grandmothers approve of not being at her wedding? the most fabulous wedding of all time? How would they deal with her eloping and then shortly after buying the majority of a house instead of having the mother of all weddings?
She is planning on mixing various flower seeds together to create a new kind of flower.
So as a synopsis, up to now, she will have hand made table cloth covers, with hand made candles all painted individually, and the flowers will be an entire new species that is better then just roses. They will be roses that were genetically created for this specific wedding. In the meantime, John Lennon is going to come back from the dead, organize the Beatles for one gig and that gig is going to be her wedding.
The photographer will be ANSEL FUCKING ADAMS himself, even though he also is dead. The person doing the ceremony will be the POPE. The Bar will be open for four hours and it will be the greatest party since the party that Morrison died at.
So that is something to look forward to.... (lots of this was true, seriously most of it was true. )


Denis A. Baldwin said...

Same situation I was in with my first wife-to-be. Thankfully, that shit never made it to the alter.

My current wife and I went to the courthouse, signed the paperwork, had awesome sex in the parking lot, and went back to work. Totally the way to do it.

Native Minnow said...

This is just another reason why I can never get married again. I know what it's like, so what's the point in pretending like it's all going to be super amazing by having a wedding where new species of roses are created and famous people are resurrected?

PhoenixHearse said...

It's obvious this is her first wedding. Girls are like that. They want it to be the best ever.

I look back at all the stress and ridiculousness of my first wedding and wonder why? Not because the marriage ended, but because all the planning work was just not worth it.

Next time (?) will be completely different.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Denis - sounds like a lovely wedding except the going back to work part....
Minnow -- I was married 15 years and have been alone now for 2 (March 14th is the day I moved out) Being Married was better
Phoenix -- this is actually her second marriage the first one was the quickie thing so this is kind of like a make up thing for her .. She is a good person and she does realize how crazy it all sounds but it is what she wants.

Michele-a-licious said...

I have a theory that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.

I say elope or destination wedding 4 sure.

quin browne said...

my daughter bought her hand made silk dress on ebay from china for $150...it was the most expensive thing we bought.

if ansel adams is going to be there, im' all over that wedding.