Thursday, July 17, 2008

Just how strappy, and just how long?

What if I wrote a post about what happened Thursday night to the Billster?
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What if that same post included eating home made potato chips with some kind of home made potato chip dip on the side? A potato chip dip that was filled with zestiness and flavor that you mistaked it for possibly being what people eat while they are in the waiting room of heaven?
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Please, if you have ever had something like that dig in to your taste buds and come out the sides of your facial pours , and then you end up in the waiting room of heaven, don't ask Jesus about the dip. Rather, try to ask something more intelligent, like why all the faith based bullshit? Ask him why god doesn't just present himself? And why it is such a game for him? Why do so many bad things happen to good people?
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If the response turns out to be that he did, and it was in the form of this dip, then bow your head and come to a true belief in God. I can only say this because the dip is that tasty. It may actually prove the existence of God. To all you atheists out there that read my blog, here is your chance to go the other way. Its all about some dip you can find at Manneys, and a beautiful woman.
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What if, after that awesomeness of actually understanding that God exists, this very same post talked about a woman that helped me eat those homemade potato chips? Would that be sacrilegious? Pretend like she was super tall, beautiful, intelligent and wore strappy looking high heels? Pretend like the Billster took the time to get to know her and that the Billster was impressed, not only with the beauty, and the legs, and the strappy high heels, but also with the self awareness she possessed?
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Then, lets pretend like, later on, she used her beauty and womanly ways, to get unlimited strawberries delivered to us, and that those same strawberries came with complimentary whipped cream. Don't worry that the only reason these favors were being presented was due to the wait staffs admiration of her beauty. She wouldn't stop there. She then had a liquid chocolate also delivered, and again, this was all gratis.
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I think that would be an awesome post, if all that happened.
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I think that if she gave me her phone number and acted like she truly wanted me to call her enough so that she made me put it in my cell phone and also wrote it on a napkin as her friends were leaving, that would also only be something good and wholesome. Especially if the two numbers were the same. And if you texted her later on just to be sure and she replied? Then maybe you would say to yourself, Self, I have a chance.
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What if all that happened this past Thursday night? That would be a good thing.
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Signed
A newly single guy who is easily impressed with long legged women wearing strappy heals that provide strawberries all gratis style.
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5 comments:

Brian in Mpls said...

Cheers brother:) I hope it happened:)

Ribonuff said...

Ah! Ach! A frightening creature, the newly single male creeping towards middle age.
Make sure that you do not become a crime victim! Be ever vigilant while hoping to enjoy life in the foreseeable future. :-)
Best, Ribonuff

Native Minnow said...

Well, that would sound like an amazing Thursday night.

PhoenixHearse said...

Ah, you outed yourself. It was this sentence that made me realize this never happened:

"Pretend like the Billster took the time to get to know her and that the Billster was impressed, not only with the beauty, and the legs, and the strappy high heels, but also with the self awareness she possessed?"

Guys never care if a beautiful woman with long legs and strappy heels have self awareness.

I call bullshit.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Brian, - I would not tell if it did
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Ribonoff, - you are correct its women are criminal ....
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Minnow - it was a great night
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Phoenix - your deductions are just slightloy off, it makes no difference if she had self awareness because she had the long legs and the strappy heals. but I was just pointing it out like kind of a bonus thing but again doesnt mean it really mattered.