Monday, July 28, 2008

Being on dial up, in a high speed world


This past Friday, July 25, 2008, I drove to Gainesville to see my kids. It’s something I do every third weekend since I moved to Miami. * It’s 332.9 miles from my parking space, to the parking space in front of my ex-wife’s apartment, give or take a tenth of a mile depending on how many times you pull off into the rest stops.
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I go, because I want to stay in their lives. I do it for me, because I love them and hate not living with them on a day to day basis anymore. That part sucks. These weekends are like recharging a worn out cell phone battery. Instead of “triple A’s” or “C” or “D” These batteries are labeled “Me.” The week before I go, I am pretty much on less then one bar.

When I say I do it for me. I mean that. It may be selfish, but it is not just selfish on the level of me missing them and wanting to see them, no, this is selfish on multiple different layers. Its not just the happiness I derive out of seeing them, and being with them, and watching them grow up. It goes well beyond that.
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It’s me being selfish in the future also. Years from now when they are grown, I want them to be a part of my life. I want them to have fond memories of me. I want them to know I am there for them, not only then, but that I always was. The money I send to their mother is just the entry point in all this. They don’t know about that, or if they do, they don’t comprehend it, but It’s why I live here, instead of there. Without Miami, I can’t afford the money I send. I love you Miami, for being so full of people. People that own homes.
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Because I live here, and they live there, I only get to watch them on dial up, with a 900 baud modem. Their lives are going at high speed, and meanwhile, I get to see it in snap shots. The view I have is like when you used to pull one page up on the Internet and it took 30 minutes, only multiply that times lives being lived, versus our time on earth. Our lives may take approximately 80 or so years, but three week intervals missed, while kids become adults is way worse then having crummy dial up on such a high speed Internet that is their lives.
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Still, if you only have dial up available, its better then not having the Internet at all right? No matter what you do, from now on you are only allowed dial up. Even if I figured out a way to live in Gainesville and still make the money I do down here, ultimately that would only be like upgrading from the 900 baud modem dial up, to maybe a 2400 baud modem dial up. In the end it’s still all dial up no matter what.
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* I missed one of my weekends. Some crap was going down in the high speed world and I became very frustrated with the dial up service.

3 comments:

Native Minnow said...

I know exactly how you feel. The good news for me is that mine are probably going to be moving here soon, so I'll get to upgrade to fast dial-up. At least until I graduate and have to move somewhere else.

Bill From Gainesville said...

Minnow-- Excellent, I am glad for you. I wish My wife would move also... (not to LasVegas though) I mean Miami

PhoenixHearse said...

I must admit that I'm a little jealous you get to see them every 3 weeks. I realize kids are much more difficult than dogs, but I haven't seen my first dog in almost a year. My heart aches. But the worst part is knowing I'll never see her again.