Thursday, February 11, 2010

Softball Synopsis for February 10th

CLEARWATER—On a night when one of the Originals Star players, platoon Catcher, and sometimes Right Fielder, James Constable missed a game due to the pending birth of his first child, the Originals won their third game of the year in “true” comeback fashion to ease above the 500 mark. Team Statistician, Lacy Lewis said that the rumors the happy couple would give their child the middle name of either “Original” or “Werther” in the teams honor should they win tonight, were grossly exaggerated and had nothing to do with the dramatic way the team battled back for a victory tonight.
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I think her exact words were: “are you guys a complete bunch of moronic idiots? ”
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Regardless of what inspired it, The Originals never quit when they got behind tonight and just kept on battling. Whether it was in the Teams collective hopes and dreams that a victory would secure a specific name on some unsuspecting and as yet unborn child, or even if it was only because this is a team of spunky diehard athletes, the Originals were able to eek out a 23 to 19 comeback win.
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Afterwards, Third Baseman ”Bill, I will Play Third base wherever the hell I want to play it, Burke” explained the very concept of a comeback victory to “Karl, Pain doesn’t Hurt Forrest”. (as a side note, a few Weeks ago in the last Original’s victory, Karl had declared that game a “great Comeback”. In that previous game the Originals never actually trailed) Burke explained it to him this way: “ Karl, Because we were behind the whole game , and then at the very end we came back and got ahead, that is a comeback win” . It is believed Karl was able to understand and fully grasp the concept after this experiential type of learning.
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Bill Burke however, apparently was not able to come to terms with the concept of a “slow infield.”
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Before the game began tonight, The Originals starting Pitcher pointed out to all the infielders that the Clay had been soaked, and would be extremely slow tonight when ground balls were hit. He recommended they compensate, and that the infielders should play in a little bit, to make up for the slower roll of the ball. Burke immediately agreed with this concept. Later we found out he had only agreed in theory. When he actually took the field he maintained his position at the marriage line of the infield and the outfield grass.
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When asked about the difference between what he said he would do, (play up) and what he actually did, (play back) He Replied: “I agree in principle with everything Werther said, but in reality, it wasn’t going to be Werther’s Balls that got nailed on a hot shot down The Third base line, so When taking that in to consideration, I believe I acted prudently”
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This is why he has the makings of a great lawyer. It’s not only the facts that matter in a trial, but it is also the emotion you are able to bring out of the jury. No one who heard his explanation and has ever been hit in that area of their anatomy, could disagree with that impeccable logic or if his own balls happened to be his client, send that client a guilty verdict.
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Speaking of getting hit in that region of a man’s body, The Original’s Right Center Fielder, “ Sean, I am not ashamed of laying in the grass last week after getting hit in the nuts, Tobe, ” had an outstanding game this week. He was only hit in the body by an errant softball a few times, and none of those times involved his manness. Once when he was trying to score and the other team was trying to throw him out at the plate, the ball errantly hit his shin, and another time a ball bounced off his glove and his shoulder while he was trying to catch a deep fly ball in Center field. The ball then hit the fence and hit him again on his forearm, before it plunked down onto the Green grass of the outfield ground. At no point however, did any of these softballs hit him in the place that we all know hurts so much, like it did last week, so it was a Great victory for the Tobe tonight.
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He acknowledged this small victory, by at no point ever just laying in the outfield grass. “ No one begrudges the man for laying around in the grass last week after what happened to him, but we were worried he had enjoyed it so much that he would do it again this week for no reason ” Said one of his fellow Outfielders and team co-captain “Ben, I am pretty sure those guys didn’t hit a single ball my way all night Keener”
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In addition to stellar play in terms of not getting hit where it hurts, Sean also had a great running catch in which he leaped into the air like a Gazelle. Above and beyond this spectacular play, he also had one of the TWO Grand Slam Homeruns that were hit tonight for the Originals.. “Dan Howitzer Arm” had the other. In your Team Programs the Originals Organization does not list RCF Next to Tobe’s name for his position of Right Center Field , but rather, just the abbreviation ATH. This is short for ATHLETE. Said long time Sean Tobe friend and Team Captain “ Adam, I wear my Blue socks all the way up to my Shorts, Lewis” --- "I have known the kid for my entire life and have never been as impressed with his athletic ability as I was tonight, and also that he did not continue to just lay on the outfield grass for no reason”
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With this third win of the regular season the Originals have already made a measurable improvement on their softball record from last year. Last season the regular season schedule, ended at 2 and 5 so they are already guaranteed of an improved regular season. This team was built to make a run in the post season though and the jury is still out. Come out Next Wednesday for yourself to see if the team can put together any kind of string of wins during the regular season, like they did in last seasons 3 and O playoff run.

2 comments:

your psycho ex-girlfriend said...

due to its length, i am going to have to read this post over several visits.

i will let you know when i am done :)

Bill From Gainesville said...

Psycho you are so good to me. here is the executive summary of this post. just for you:
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We played softball, we won in a comeback fashion, some guys played deep in the infield even though it was slow. another guy who had taken a ball in the nuts last week was hit a few times in other places. No one is really going to name their kid after our softball team.