Okay, I am in no way thinking about killing myself. Seriously, In fact it would be the opposite. Hope that is clear, because earlier, when I was thinking about killing myself, it was in a context that had nothing to do with actually killing myself.
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It went something like this; "Bill, all things considered, your life doesn't suck. You obviously have some problems in life, just like everyone else. Not saying you have everything going your way, but overall, and on a Macro scale, You have a pretty good life. "
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That was how the thought process started. Then I started thinking about the future. which went something like this:
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"Bill, up to this point in life, even though you have certainly had your share of getting slammed up against the rocks, overall it has been a pretty good run, Of Course that doesn't mean in the future you won't end up in prison, or homeless and dumpster diving in the back of a KFC somewhere.''
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Then I thought about the old adage in gambling. Quit while you are ahead.
So that was when it occurred to me that the only way to do that in life is 1) have a good life so that you consider yourself ahead 2) Die.
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If I were to drop dead now I believe the overall outlook should be that the kid did all right in life.
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The correlation here is that I could also just continue having a good life and play it out till the natural end. That's the plan. Also, I think if a bunch of shit went wrong and I was actually "down" then the reason to live would be to dig out from that hole. So like Richard Bach says: "Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't"
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