The "what if" game and the "Getting Old" Game are not fun.

Wednesday Night, our softball team had a double header. We lost both of them, and fell to zero and three on the season. (we got drilled last week)

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We were competitive in each game tonight though, and had we just made a few less mistakes, we could have easily won both. You could also say; that if we had made the same amount of mistakes, but also just mixed in a couple of more hits here and there, we could have taken both of those games. That is the "what if'' game though, and that particular game can be played in all aspects of everyones life.

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"What if" is a son of a bitch of a game.

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I constantly find myself getting drawn into that little game, not just in softball, but in life. I am both blessed and cursed with an introspective mind. I constantly judge myself. Lately, it has been quite harsh for my life in general, and tonight with the softball game was no different.

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Defensively I made one stupid throwing error and I walked two guys as well. Those are mistakes. Offensively, I went 1 for 3 in the first game, and 3 for 4 in the second. I hated making those three outs because all three of them were weak ass pop ups, and I am a pretty good single's type of hitter because I can generally hit the ball to any field. (not much power anymore though) I forgave myself relatively quickly with those particular things, but the real problem I have is that I actually felt old tonight.

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I know that I AM old, but generally I don't think about it. Tonight was different. Late in the second game I consciously chose to not back stuff up defensively because I decided in order to continue to throw strikes and not walk dudes, I had to conserve my energy. I was tired in the late innings of that second game, the 90 plus degree heat and running around the bases just took a lot out of me.

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It was harsh, but I was just short of puking at some points during the late part of that second game. I also saw the end of my playing days. It won't be for a few more years yet, but I had always told myself I would play softball as long as I was not ever the worst player on any team I was on. Tonight I was damn close with my lollygagging ass. Other dudes might not have had as many hits as I did tonight, and some guys made a bunch more errors then I did, but I am positive I was the only guy on my team that could not have made it through a third game if we had one on our schedule.

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"Getting Old" is another son of a bitch of a game.

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Neither the "what if" game or the "getting old" game are fun. In the former, it is just some bullshit in your past that you can't do a damn thing about, and in the latter, it really is just some shit that is going to happen in your future.

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I would write more, because my weakness tonight is bugging me, but its early in the morning now, and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.