Monday, June 30, 2008

Looking for the coagulation

Ever since the Judge kicked my ass in my divorce, I have not been able to do much blog writing because my funny ran out on me. Cheating two timing whore of a funny bone.

Just when I need you the most you leave me? The Judge put me on a "funny thinner" Its like paint thinner, it smells kind of funky, and it is ruining all my pictures. I try to dip my brush into the paint, but all the paint has been replaced by the thinner. I forget anyways, and try to put something up on the canvass and it just bleeds it on out. So I know what I need, I need me some coagulation.
I see the funny in glimpses, like when you step out of the tunnel at a Major league ball park. The field is perfectly green, two shades of green, usually. Its always in some kind of a beautiful pattern, checkerboard maybe, or if its Fenway, the two little socks. The Astros have that sun looking thing going on. Its all from the way the greens keepers cut it and tend to it. It just explodes from your vision into your brain and your brain sends it on down into the pours of your skin. That's how I see my funny, only then a dark storm cloud full of "funny thinner" moves in like one of those fast motion cloud Sky's that you see in the movies when the director is trying to show time going on by, and the next thing you know, its raining "funny thinner" on my head.

Here is a glimpse of Bills Funny, metaphorically speaking, See the cool checkerboard pattern?

They say write what you know, except all I know right now is divorce, the fear of failure and being alone, oh yeah, and also that my funny is kind of a slutty whore that will leave you when you need her. Its also evidently a lot like a baseball diamond because if you know the way a field explodes into your senses as you come out into the park from under the bowels of the concession stands, then that's the way I think about my funny, at least when its being faithful to me, and not out whoring. Checkerboard grass at a ball field on a beautiful day is a stunning thing to behold. I don't now why I think of my funny as being a baseball field on a beautiful cool day. Baseball isn't even my favorite sport. I am a casual kind of front running fair weather baseball fan. Hell I watched the college baseball championship game rooting for one Bulldog team and totally got on board with the other Bulldogs in the middle of it. Talk about front running. I was just trying to watch a championship though, as I didn't really care about either of them before that last night.

-Its the old riding the horse thing again as well. If you fall off you are supposed to get right back on. That's some kind of cliche, I know, except my ass is sore, and the fall kind of hurt, and although I want to get back up on the horse, Its kind of like I am the Shaquile O'Neal of jockeys. Just doesn't seem like a big future for Shaquile O'Neal as a jockey. Just like it doesn't seem that after all the effort I put into a fifteen year relationship, and watching it fail so dismally, that the thought of trying again, or that anyone would even want to try with me, well, it just seems so futile. So I have that going for me.

So here is what I do know. Its raining funny thinner, I am searching around for the right combination of umbrella and raincoat, plus my native Indian anti thinner dance moves. I am looking for those moves real bad. It seems like its a beautiful baseball field kind of a thing, but really, its like old time Woody Hayes football, just run it, get the three yards and run it again. Sure we used to have a wide open, spread offense throwing attack of a life, but if you find yourself in the Midwest with big old husky kids and it gets cold, its time to run the ball and play a little smash mouth. So that's what I am doing, getting up and playing smash mouth with my life.

No softball in the 352 this week

The last time I was in Gainesville Florida was so that I could get divorced. Gainesville is A nice town to get a divorce in, It has all those trees and stuff which makes it pretty, and getting divorced in a beautiful town like Gainesville has to be better then someplace like Gary Indiana.
Anyways, besides going up to Gainesville for a divorce I had figured on playing a little Softball, that Thursday, except it got cancelled due to us not having enough players. This Upcoming weekend I am going to be in town to see my offspring, but I was going to go up on the 3rd to play softball as well, but because its the day before July 4th, its basically a holiday, and thats right, NO SOFTBALL again!

Tiger, quit goofing off

Tiger, Stay off that knee, See you at the Masters, I will miss you.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Why Sports are important

The things that are beautiful, and the things that move people's souls come from all around us. People will study art in a classroom, but the great artist don't just paint pictures, or sculpt statutes, they make people think differently.
Great artists inspire. People will spend tons of money on art because the art they are buying has a name, and they are followers. The art of Picasso may genuinely be great, but the reason that he truly gets sales anymore, is because of his name. People buy to impress others, but at the same time, if you really see something that inspires you, and makes you think about greatness and the inner beauty that is mankind, and the kind of stuff that wills you to do better as a human being? ....Then that is art.
Or maybe its not art? Maybe the things that inspire, cant be placed on your wall. Maybe the things that move you are memories? Like Steven Detwiller hitting two home runs tonight, plus knocking in all the other runs batted in for the Fresno State bulldogs? Hell of a memory for him I am sure, Plus you know what, I was on my lazboy, but I also enjoyed the hell out of it.
Plus, just for good measure, pretend like he caught the last screaming line drive hit in that direction to end the game? Think about the fact that he did it with his Thumb hanging by threads at the end of his hand? How the surgery he talks about, is from a dead guy, putting ligaments within his live hand to try to make him better, you know, so he can hold a bat properly, and hit home runs? Or wait, he already did that? Twice, tonight? Plus the Double in his Four for Four Night.
Don't stress about his hand being a complete mess though. Think about how it makes you feel that the Fresno State Bulldogs just became the Cinderella story that will come to mind when Cinderella needs a Cinderella reference?
Cinderella will be cleaning Chimneys with her toothbrush, telling the Chimney sweep stuff that will make the Chimney Sweeps assistant think that maybe, one day, his illegitimate daughter can have a child that will actually get a "c" in spelling. Its not to much of a dream based on all this , or is it?
Here is a school that never hoped to even be the frog that got kissed, much less the frog that turns into that handsome prince after that very same kiss? Well tonight they were french kissing hot chicks.
Angelina Jolie was sticking her tongue down their mouths, and it was passionate. They never won a Men's Championship in anything, ever, unless you count College Baseball as a whole, and you count tonight in particular and dont worry, Brad Pitt doesnt care, because seriously you guys just won the College World Series.
My goodness, how sports will work you. Listen, I hate the Georgia Bulldogs to a passion, but you know what? they are an SEC school, and so when it was them against the Fresno state Bulldogs, I was pulling for the Athens version of the ugly house pet. Except those Fresno State guys Kicked the Georgia Bulldog ass, and it was truly a poetic thing. I watched it as it happened. They did it as the underdog from basically a commuter school, that never kissed any frogs. They did it with passion, They looked that Frog in the mouth and told them how sexy their warts were. And They did it with Guile, But most of all, they did it with love for the game of baseball, and before it was all done I was truly rooting for them.
It was like the cockroach that is getting squished by the Shoe, except the cockroach finds a special place within the floorboard that makes the squashing impossible. Plus, to their credit Cockroaches don't die easily.
It was me, rooting for the SEC. I couldn't help myself when I heard myself Cheer just after the Fresno State Bulldog shortstop made an error, He with the Three previous errors that night, but you know what? He also began the double play that basically put "my" bulldogs out of contention. And yes, He had previously committed three errors, and no they arent really "My" bulldogs, I am just trying to make the point that the beauty of sports moved me to watch and they moved me to look at how beautiful the wart that is the Georgia Bulldogs are to me.
Yes, I wanted the SEC school to win, because I love the SEC, but in the end, when the Fresno State guys with all their dangling thumbs hanging off their various palms, and their over thirty losses of a Baseball season ended up with a huge smiling pile up on the infield? All I could think about was the fact that Sports are truly beautiful. Sports move peoples souls. Sports are important, and the thing that makes fuddy duddys look down on it, are the things they don't see.
Its why they pick their art, The exact same reason they pick their art, not because it makes them feel alive, but because someone else told them it should move them. I am just saying tonight, watching that shit go on in Omaha, I was truly inspired, and moved. I know why sports are important, because I saw it in front of my eyes tonight and I know to look for it every time I watch sports. Freaking ART is what that was tonight. Thanks Fresno State, and this is nothing bad on Georgia. See you guys in Jacksonville and when we do, I hope you are undefeated, it will make for a better story if you are. ....

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Downtown Miami and Me

Downtown Miami and I look alike. She is going through a metamorphosis with all the condos that are being built and all the people moving in. I am changing from a separated but Married man, to a divorced middle aged white guy right in front of you. I am also losing weight as I fight the loneliness of my life, by working out in the rooftop gym of my building and swimming in the pool, where there are no more Naked European Women Breasts to be seen. I miss the N.E.W.B.--- Damn you condo association!

Right now Downtown Miami and I both have a Monday thru Friday, during the daytime, kind of lean to our existences. I work during the day during that period, while the downtown area is pretty vibrant then as well. It’s full of people walking around, drinking the High Tess crack cocaine type of Cuban coffee that’s so popular around here. The horn honking and the hot dog vending is just going on! There are multiple languages being spoken. The construction workers are busy erecting the buildings, while wearing their hard hats, and they generally all have that drywall dust all over them. There is just stuff going on down here during the day. It’s like all the different foods you can eat around here. I had dinner from a place specializing in food from Bali the other day, New York Style Pizza is abundant. Then there are the foo foo pizzas, and the Indian and Peruvian cuisine. I always liked the smell of curry, but not really the food that goes along with it.

Friday Nights I like to go have a few beers at various places in the downtown area, though mostly a place called LaLoggia. Like the Downtown area itself, LaLoggia doesn’t do Saturdays. LaLoggia closes on the weekend, and although Downtown Miami isn't completely closed on those two days, its close, with the exception of Bayside. (My header at the top of this blog is a picture of Bayside. It is two blocks from where I live.) In New York City, there are restaurants and bars that are open to all hours of the night, every night, In Downtown Miami, not so much. Even the crappy McDonalds right by my building closes early.

Things are changing though, as the building ends, and the moving in begins, their will be more incentive for businesses to stay open later, and on weekends. Just like me, I mean I am always inside my head 24/7 so its not like I close down on the weekends or at nights, its just that other then the work, which is kind of a nine to five type thing, I don’t have a whole lot going on. Time heals though, and as time goes by, the buildings will be finished, and the Billster will develop more of a life. Cause we are alike, downtown Miami and Me. I live in downtown Miami, but I am also like Downtown Miami. We just need a little time to re-develop into something different then what we were, I have already punched in and am going to work, Downtown Miami is also already on it.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Softball Fridays, coming soon

July 11th is a Friday, but its a special magic Friday because its a Friday that the Billster is going to be playing some Softball, South Florida Style. It's at Flamingo Park on South Beach and its some kind of Coed league. Looking at the roster, it would appear I am going to be the oldest guy on the team. I will regale them with tales of Satchel Paige and how it used to be before Cell phones.
After such a dry spell of having not played in quite some time, it will take a game or so for me to get that hit it to right field thing down again. I am sure the smack talk will come out right away however, although not knowing the people, it may take awhile till I feel comfortable with the sarcastic digs. I have moved to South Florida now. This is where I live and playing softball is stuff I think I need. Just glad its not hot down here in July and August while the league plays out its schedule.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Me Smiling

Same Guy just different attitude!
Still handome and goodlooking, and still smart, just happy, not so much stoic . He can still out benchpress you as well.


The boy can summarize can't he?

This is the same post I put up on June 13th and then took down later on June 13th, some of you read it already, and some of you questioned why I took it down. I dont know. its pretty harmless its also not very controversial, just on June 13th I WAS still married. So easthetically it didnt work for me after thinking about it, Today, it does though , so think of it as a re-print. :
Boy meets Girl.
Boy and Girl fall in love.
Boy and Girl get married.
Boy and Girl make people together.
Boy and Girl fail to communicate effectively.
Boy and Girl get divorced.
Boy is sad.

The two words with the three letters.

So here I am :

That's me taking a photograph of myself. Kind of stoic looking? That's what I was going for, I hope you agree. Am I stoic in this photograph or not? Fuck it, I don't care if you think its angry or bitter, or whatever, ....its my interpretation of STOIC , and that's my story , and I am sticking to it. This is me being stoic.
On Thursday June 19th, 2008 I was officially Divorced. I didn' t find out until today, June 20th. I knew when I was married, the exact second I was married, I found out I was divorced when my lawyer called me today at about two p.m. I was at a Staples, buying office supplies that I needed to do my job, which is a good thing. A good thing in the sense that the judge thinks very highly of my ability to earn money. That guy either wants to send me to jail for failing to meet my obligations or he thinks so highly of me that he knows I will meet and exceed any issues or problems that arise in reaching those numbers he has imposed. Here is an interpretation of me circa 2008:

That's right, Rabbit ear pants depicting brokenness.
I loved the woman, and still do, Except I don't appreciate some stuff, but I wont go into it. She fucked up bad, so did I, we fucked up individually but together as a team. We got married and then we got divorced. In the sense that we had obligations to each other and we both failed in meeting them, we let each other down. Whatever, I am to blame ultimately, because I will not be a victim. Just suffice it to say that there are issues that I will not talk about on this blog. We have to raise our children together and the bitterness and the ugliness that is out there is useless to me. I am a beaten man, I have loved and then I ended up being a loser. My heart is broken now.

Forgive me while I bleed out. Except I cant afford to bleed out, Me dead is not good. I mean it would probably be better for me, but not better for my kids and ultimately they are mine. and they provide joy and hope to me, so I will work and I will struggle. I don't know everything I am going to do right now, but part of it, is to not fail in that aspect of it. I will do what I have to do, to the extent I am capable, until my heart goes out, hopefully it will not do so for a few years but I feel it breaking right now.

I know how it is and the description of having your teeth pulled by pliers through your ass is descriptive enough. That's about what it feels like, its both an acute pain in your face and a guttural grossness in your stomach ..... Thanks SCG for the description...

Sincerely, Divorced ass Bill
P.S. I will be able to make my first payment that I owe, even though I will be dropping a couple of bills tonight on drinks and strippers... Fuck it ... FUCK THIS DIVORCE ASS BULLSHIT, but at the same time, I know what my torture is now, and when I was married the torture was always a surprise, month to month I never new what torture and betrayal I was going to have to deal with, so now "I do." so here is my tribute to the words "I do" two words, three letters. My recommendation, don't say them in front of a judge, or a notary, or a priest.

Rick, thanks for linking me:

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The tailgate just before the last Zook Victory as the Gator Head Coach.

True story, I was once tailgating at an FSU/ U of F game and this guy walked up to our tailgate wearing one of those old cream-sicle orange Bucs jerseys with the number 17 on it. On the back was the name DeBerg. The guy looked very similar to Steve DeBerg as well. In fact he looked similar, because he was Steve DeBerg, wearing his old Bucs Jersey, crashing tailgate Parties. He made himself a burger and put so much mayonnaise on it that I got physically sick just watching it, then he bit down on it and mayo was all over his face and his Creamsicle Orange Bucs Jersey as well. Turns out both of his kids went to FSU, that was his connection with this game. They were both mortified by their dad at this party. It was Zooks last win that night as a Gator. Who wears their own Football Jersey after retiring from the NFL ? I mean other then DeBerg? - P.S. there is so much more to this story..... Just not telling it...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Never been to Seattle, ever. Gotta figure these last three days is what it would be like though, with all the rain. This is some mutant rain. This is rain with an attitude, rain that was raised by a crackhead mother who paid rent by dealing and hooking. Rain that has no morals, has no integrity, just nasty street thug, wiseguy , school skipping, trouble making, crack dealing rain.
Look, I am a native Floridian so I know that bullshit we spread about Sunny Florida has a grain of lie within the piece of salt we try to rub on those Midwesterner's and Yankees cheeks. It will rain here all the time, especially during the summer, but its usually a sophisticated, conscientious, caring type of rain. A rain you can count on in the afternoons, A rain that calls home if its going to be out late. a considerate neighborly type of rain that you would not be ashamed to take home to your mother. These last three days I don't even know this type of rain. Its like I am a 75 year old grandmother and just now heard my granddaughter rain was living in sin. I am just shocked by the rain lately, and don't get me started on all the lightning. That's like those punk head Goth kids all of a sudden hanging out with your little angel children. Bad influence I tell you.
Tomorrow is another day and another chance to run the treadmill.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A crazy day for the Billster

Here is a breakdown of my crazy and wild day. First I worked about 12 hours, then I bought a Lottery Ticket for Wednesday night, and didnt even tell the guy what numbers to use, I just let the machine pick it for me because I live on the edge like that. Tonight, I am going to read a book, but when I do so, I will probably have one leg hanging over the side of my recliner like a true outlaw. Later I will guzzle a glass of milk like its a shot of Patron, brush my teeth, but only do it real quickly, like I am doing my gums a favor and they will just have to be grateful I am doing it at all. Probably floss a little and then Bam, Go to bed so I can get up and be in Boca Raton tomorrow morning by 8 am and just start the whole thing over again. Thats right, I am not even going to watch game six of the NBA finals tonight for the simple reason that the rest of my life is just to damn exciting to be bothered.

Monday, June 16, 2008

14 and counting

So here he is, the man is thirty years old or somewhere around that age and he just won his 14th Major, I say he gets to 19 before he is 33 which is scary. Jack won his 18th and last Major at 46 years old.
Think how lucky you are to be alive and watching him do what he does. Seven Billion people on earth and he is the best golfer, period. How awesome and how special is it to be the best at anything, much less something as cool as golf.
I was on the road so I had to listen to the updates on the radio which in a way kind of bums me out. One of the topics was how they settle the 72 hole ties with another full 18 holes on Monday, whereas all the others have either a sudden death on the same day or a 4 hole playoff in the case of the PGA. I invested about five hours on Sunday watching Golf and although the ending was exciting with that twelve foot put he had to make to force the playoff, I feel kind of ripped off that I couldnt afford to watch it today because I had stuff scheduled already. Note to Future Bill, Block out the monday after Fathers day next year and make it an office day, you know, just in case.

An APB post

Here puppy --puppy--- puppy --- You can be melancholy and still write stuff, its just that it comes out sad and depressing, and if you don't watch it, kind of whiny. Without Joy, Funny will run from you and hide as well. So Yes I am looking for the fun in blogging, but I have also lost "funny" itself. ... Here--- funny ---funny ----funny? Has anyone seen my sense of humor? Where the hell is that guy?

Sunday, June 15, 2008

An apology post to those that read the prior crap

Ok, I tried to post something and it sucked. So I took it down, thanks for commenting, those of you that did. (Quin)
I remember liking being a blogger dude and am just waiting for that feeling to come back. It's like I lost my puppy, and last night I put a flyer up on a telephone pole. It was a flyer with bad hand writing and poor spelling . It said: "If any 1 finds my puppy pleze calls me." Also there was some stuff about how much I enjoy watching Tiger Woods Play Golf, Cause you know, he is the best in the entire world and that is something to think about.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


Think of it like this: its a rerun -- we will be back to our regularly scheduled blogging sometime in the future, for now we are taking some time to lick our wounds and get up off the floor.

Shark Smells blood, Attorney looks to profit.

There are people out there who worship sharks. Rob Stewart made an outstanding documentary called "Sharkwater." I saw it a few months ago, and truly appreciated the beauty, of the beasts. I have scuba dived in the ocean off Key Largo decades ago, and was instructed by the PADI instructor that they are benevolent creatures, and wont hurt you. I took it all in, with trepidation, but went down for the dive and did not happen to come accross any. (to my relief) I pulled some websights recently and the authors also have this surreal feeling for sharks. The movie Rob Stewart made, tries to characterize them as being misunderstood. All of that is fine, and there is probably some truth to it. Statistically, I am aware that there is an insignificant amount of shark attacks throughout the world on a yearly basis. We are more prone to getting hit by lightning then getting attacked by a shark. I get that, and I get the thrill some people get from diving with them.
Markus Groh, from Austria, recently went on a diving excursion in which the boat he was diving from, poured bloody chum in the water to entice Sharks. Mr. Groh understood this was going to happen and signed a waiver (presumably). He was attacked by one of the sharks that showed up for the chumfest, and later died. Very tragic. That shark was doing what sharks will do, but so is a local attorney here in Miami. A Mr. Neblett of Miami Maritime law has advised he would "sue the operator, and sue the people involved." Much like the stupid shark that showed up for a chum fest, the attorney is also just doing what attorneys do. Its like they cant help it. The Shark has no money and doesnt really do land, so going to court with a Shark is not going to work. Mr. Groh has died, and remember, ultimately he chose to do this. It was his decision to go diving in chum and shark infested waters. He certainly didn't know a shark would attack him, but he had to realize the risk. Not everyone that gets in a car being driven by a drunk, ends up dead, but its still a possible outcome. Not every smoker ends up dying from Lung Cancer, but its still a foreseeable possibility. Here is a fact for Mr. Neblett to begin Building his case against the operator, the crew, and probably the boat manufacturer............ wait for it.... Hold on Mr. Neblett..... Sharks,..... They live in the ocean. They are carnivores. Attorneys however, see blood in the water and they want to turn it into contingency fees. Its tragic, what happened, but its only going to get ugly when the lawsuits start flying. You can understand the sharks perspective. He saw lunch, plus it was like he was all coked up due to the chum in the water and was probably in a frenzy. (Chum is like porn to sharks, it gets them excited) What about Mr. Neblett? He probably missed out on the tobacco suits, so he is finding another way to destroy personal accountability in America, although a very obscure way, it will get headlines though, I am sure. I feel sorry for the operator of the charter. Jim Abernathy. He was just trying to run a business where you put chum in the water and attract sharks and then go swimming with them? And now, He will be spending all kinds of money on Other lawyers to protect him from the attorneys who smell the blood in the water now....

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Free steak at Manneys

So, I know I don't look homeless, nor desperate for anything. As much as all the crap that is going on in my life, I don't complain to much about it, Sure I bring it up, but I am not a whiner.
That is what made tonight so weird, I was sitting at the bar at Manneys, just drinking a few beers, totally content. and then this guy and his wife sits next to me. Long story short they bought me a steak dinner complete with mashed potatoes. I thanked the dude profusely and tried to buy all his drinks that he had. but that wasn't in his plans, then he left. I told him thanks again and truly I am so grateful, I appreciate the value he just plopped down into my life. WOOOOOHOOOOOO thanks Tony. ( he doesn't read the Internet according to his own interpretation so he will probably never see my gratitude. )

Friday, June 6, 2008

Where are they?

It's Late on Friday Afternoon and I think I know where they are at, and when I say "they" I mean the deliciously delicious and refreshing beverage that is beer, never before has a beer been so required as it is today, yet I believe as much as they are needed right now, come Monday they will ratchet up the "needometer" a few more degrees.
I feel like I am one of those guys that flies planes into the middle of a forest fire. Like John Goodman in that movie. The movie where the guys fly planes into the fire storm and get as close as they can to drop the packages. The one where Richard Dreyfus is a ghost? right now I am in the airport terminal just relaxing, but by Monday My plane will be flying into that buzzsaw of a life changing event and I will get my divorce notch cut into my soul. Its a notch I didn't really want to ever get, but its coming and I will just deal. Such a shame is what it is, Its all so very stupid, but regardless, I painted myself into this corner. I am pretty sure on Monday they will be at the ALE HOUSE on Archer Road in Gainesville. Tonight they are at the LaLoggia on Flagler, in Miami. I hope we can get it all done on Monday so we don't have to go back on Tuesday.
This is my plan. Go have a few beers, come back and watch season 3 of Weeds tonight. Saturday I will do some laundry hang out at my pool where all the women are supposed to keep their tops on now, and then go to a Marlins game tomorrow night. Sunday I will drive the 332 to Gainesville and wait for Monday to come.

Thursday, June 5, 2008


LDYGATOR sent this one to me and I think it holds some truths.

86 days

The most beautiful time of the year is football season. This is very obvious, because during Football Season they play football.
We have 86 days to kickoff, but only 79 days till game week. If you were living in 1910 you could go around the world in 80 days, I know because I saw the movie, and that's with hardly any roads and stuff, and cars that only go like 35 miles an hour at best. Getting across the ocean required a ship, cause they had planes in 1910 but they couldn't make it across the ocean. So 79 days to game week is like looking at a par 5, but you bombed the drive and only have 185 in to the pin. Give me the 5 iron and lets get her there!...or I guess if it was 1910 and we had 185 yards to get to Football season we would use the 3 iron because the shafts were only wood and stuff back then, plus we would be wearing a tie to play golf in? Either way, in June, in Florida, its really awful hot to be playing Golf, just like it will be a scorcher on August 30th, when the Rainbow warriors from Hawaii step out on to Florida Field. It's a 12:30 game .
A friend called to tell me about that most ridiculous of times to play football in Florida. August 30th at 12:30 in Gainesville? Hopefully Florida will make sure they have enough space heaters on the sidelines. That's brutal, so what do you do? hang out at the tailgate and watch it on T.V.? or go inside and have that sun beat down on you? And a 12:30 start means getting to the tailgate by at least 7:30 or so, and even then it will feel like you are late. I guess this is a small benefit of not being married, because no way my wife would ever have it together enough to be at a tailgate by 7:30. So there it is, this is why we are getting a divorce, basically she couldn't work around my tailgate plans so I had to let her go.
The defending National Champions come to Gainesville later on in the year. The first team that ever won a national championship with two losses. Their coach did beat the Gators last year with all those gutsy 4th down calls, and those Cajuns seem to love him to death. Look at this photograph I stole from another website. I'm Busy? Fear the hat? Watch out Les Miles, because now those crazy coon asses expect a National title Every time you only lose two games.

And what about this one? Doesn't it look like Mike is sniffing Glue?, Hey Mike the tiger, that's not crack cocaine, Stop snorting that crystal trophy!

And I think this last trailer kind of speaks to several issues. For one, look how big their heads are compared to the size of the stadium. Those are some big big guys. But also, notice around the top they have all those other SEC school logos? know why? cause LSU is in the SEC and week in and week out they play the toughest competition in America and they feel honored to do so, as a fan of an SEC school myself, I get it .... Love the rest of ya, just enjoy when the Gators beat you even more.

We tailgate right by the century tower and if I truly show up at 7:30 in the morning, on that first game day I am sure the people that are already their will call me a slacker.

So only 86 days left. I wonder if that cow that I am going to make my tailgating hamburger out at the grille on that particular Saturday is still standing around in some cornfield in Nebraska right now? Or is he already on his way from the slaughter house to the Publix?


As a thing that probably only interests me, but also anyone else who lives in this building. We received an envelope the other day. Within the envelope were a bunch of rules. One of the rules is that it is not ok for women to sunbathe on the roof with their tops off. I dont know if this has always been a rule or if they just made it up, but I think its a horrible thing.
This is a sad day indeed. I just hope that the women that used to lay in the sun with their tops off are rebels. Don't let the MAN keep you guys down. I think we can get the ACLU to help defend against this. I encourage you to take your tops off as a matter of principle. Who are they to make up these rules. (ok they are the board of the condo association) Why would they want to do this? (they want to keep property values up) however, I think having topless women sunbathe on the roof WOULD help rather then hurt.
Look, when I started living here, I didnt fully realize the added benefit of having a street vending hotdog stand just outside, nor did I know that women would be taking their tops off on top of the roof. These are some tiny little extra joys about living here. Rage against it ladies.
Rick, again, I seriously appreciate the link, you are the bomb.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Angelina Jolie is to pretty....

This is a a picture of Angelina Jolie. I have an internet friend who says she is NOT pretty. I disagree and submit this photo as evidence the person I am talking about is incorrect. MY GOODNESS.....

The solution to all our problems in the world

This going through a divorce thing is kind of stressful. This upcoming Monday is the big day. Decisions will be made, the cards will all be on the table, our hands will be dealt. Waiting for it is screwing with my concentration. Even the plot line from an episode of "According to Jim" would be to much for my frazzled brain right now. I believe I know what its like to have attention deficit disorder, but much like someone who pleads temporary insanity, I expect it to go away, so I am not looking for any Ritalin.

I start to work on something and my mind wanders. I am not living in the now very much, but rather inside my head, and my head is not doing much to help. I go back to the past and think about stuff that happened, and contemplate the "what if's" what if I would have done this?Or what if I would have done that? Or what if I wouldn't have done this? But just when that starts to drive you crazy, my thoughts go to the future and wondering about all that uncertainty. Its like a pendulum, I spend most of my time lately in the past or the future and this is clearly no way to live.
So, being resourceful, and after analyzing the situation I have decided on a couple of things. Am I going to sit down with my lawyer and strategize this through, not anymore. She is competent and from our discussions so far, I know she has my back. No, what I am going to do is break out my easy button. Because clearly, Just press this button and voila, it will all be easy again.
Also, I am going to a comedy club tonight to see a friend of a friend do his stand up routine. I will probably drink a few beers and just try to let it all unwind out of my head.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

An analysis of the democratic race for president

Super Models to the rescue !

So Barrack O'Bama only needs forty more delegates and he will be the Democratic Nominee for President of the United States . He and Hillary have been basically splitting the popular vote with a slight edge to O'bama in delegates, which brings in the other factor. More and more Super Models are getting on board with O'Bama.
I dont really understand why supermodels have so much clout in this stuff but apparently if you can get a supermodel to vote for you thats like pure gold. It counts for like twenty regular people voting, and even four everyday J.C. Penny model votes.
Because of Bill Clinton being a former President, and with all his connections in the super model world, I guess Hillary kind of figured the SuperModel voting would go her way, but as Barrack began building up a slight lead during this long drawn out process, supermodels slowly shifted over to his camp. From what I was reading in the herald earlier, today might be the proverbial Straw that breaks the Hillary Clinton Back. I guess pretty soon there will be a super model convention in Denver and they will make up their minds, but maybe by the end of the day today the math will get in order to make the supermodel convention more of a big celebration.
(EDITORS NOTE- Bill, its Super Delegates, not SuperModels)
Oh well in that case, never mind.

Monday, June 2, 2008

May the force be with you

Today I talked my way past a residential condo association security guard. Good thing I wasnt a terrorist, or more to the point, why have a security guard if you can just smooth talk your way by? It wasn't like it was easy. The guy tried to call the person I was supposed to see, his boss, and then I think maybe George Bush himself. Then he told me I couldnt go in at all, but I just told him in my best spanish, that I wasnt a terrorist. (My spanish is to kind of talk a little louder and emphasize various vowels and stuff.) But I knew I wasnt there to do harm to anyone, so I had the truth on my side. Perhaps if I was there to cause trouble, I would not have been so good at talking my way by the guy. It was like I was Luke Skywalker just using the force and stuff. "No, I need to get in and take some pictures, you will let that gate thing up." " Yes, Yes I will let the gate thing up." The clincher was when I told him it would only be fifteen, No Ten minutes, I think that I conceded the other five minutes was enough for him to save face, then he let up the arm thingy and I was in.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Cheese grating, Obama or McCain?

So, lets say you go to a bar. You get the salad, and then the waiter brings the cheese grater thingy over. They ask if you want Parmesan cheese and you acknowledge that you do. Now its a contest between you and the waiter. Your roll is to tell them when you have had enough of that wholesome goodness that is Parmesan cheese. They are secretly judging you for how much freaking Parmesan you ask for. It is a battle of wills that I mostly lose, I usually always concede to the social niceties that is the waiter grating cheese on your salad, but I think this week is the week that I never tell them to stop. I will just have the guy crank Parmesan cheese on my salad until HE questions me,

"Dude, there is a ton of Parmesan on your salad, do you want me to stop?"

no more mister decorum, no more Mr. Obama for me, just sucking up to the masses, or in this case the waiter who is cranking out Parmesan cheese. I will be a man this time, and have a mountain of Parmesan cheese on my salad, or the implicit acknowledgement that this is all a scam and that you no more control the amount of Parmesean cheese on your salad then Obama controls not being a socialist/ communist.

I will not act like the waiter isnt judging my parmesan intake, and I will not judge those that will vote to put up a replica of the berlin wall around washington D.C. when O bama becomes president. He may very soon be the President of the United States, and as far as an orator and great speaker, their is no greater socialist I would ever want to be President then him.

We all have our problems to deal with and in no way am I endorsing McCain, except for the fact that if I have to choose between Obama, and a guy that doesn't know deep down in his heart how much cheese to put on my salad, I am going with Mr. clueless salad guy, or McCain. He would clearly just grate a little cheese and if you didn't tell him "when" He would surely just stop and move on to the next person. O'Bama, on the other hand would just grate away, and even though he would be judging you for not telling him to stop, he would continue with his Parmesan dump because you are a voter and he panders to you. I just believe in capitalism to much to ever go with OBama, but again that doesne mean I don't think he isn't a fine orator. He really is. Tell you something else in this blog post, He will pick Hillary as his running mate. No doubt in my mind about that. No way he doesn't do that. If anyone reads this post and they like Obama as their next president, again, I will re-iterate the positives for the guy. 1) he is truly an outstanding orator. 2) I also believe he is a natural leader of men. 2) He probably would just grate cheese on to your salad until you actually said to stop and would not judge you for being greedy because in the end, if it makes you the voter happy, he is all about that. So that is all good, He will also raise your taxes, pull our soldiers out of the middle east which on the surface, is a good thing, but the cluster fuck that will follow will have you paying ten dollars a gallon for your gas before 2009 is over. Plus it will be very possible, Israel will be attacked, and we will then have our guys over there getting killed in that little war. So our guys are in a stupid war because we had a stupid president put them in harms way, and no matter who ends up being president some more soldiers will also be killed. Vote for McCain, who will keep them in Iraq, or elect Obama who will end up spending lots of our money returning them home and then sending them back over to Israel a year or so later when that whole place destabilizes. Either way, its messed up, less pressure on the airlines though if you elect McCain. Plus McCain is only going to grate so much cheese on your salad then he is just going to go on, the man is seventy something years old and he doesn't have time to grate cheese on your salad all day. This is how I think, and again I respect you socialist loving OBama fans so don't get all nasty, and yes, I do realize Bush is an idiot, I just don't think that means McCain is also.
Rick, thank you for the link and the dig about the kool aid!